Today we had to write about a short clip we watched. Our goal was to describe IN DETAIL what we saw. This was just a practice so then when we wrote our own stories, we know how to write in detail and don't forget to leave things out. It helps the reader get a picture in their head, like a movie, of what I am writing.
This is the clip we used.
(Only the first 1 minute - about the boy sleeping through his alarms)
This is what I wrote.
Today the sun was shining on the radio and when the sun shined on the radio it was a great morning and after that the radio turned on and it said good morning when the music turned on this hand shot out and it was a boy and the boy shot it with a BB gun when he shot the clock his phone slid out over his hand.
Do you think I have described what happened in lots of detail?
Please leave me a comment to let me know if I did achieve my goal or not.
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ReplyDeleteGreat start Cordez! You have included some details like the sun was shining on the radio, the phone slid out of his hand. Well done!
ReplyDeleteYour next step will be to try to use other ways of starting your sentences - I mean not using 'after that'. If you have a long story and you have lots of 'after that' and 'next' it gets boring to read, so we should work on this now so that doesn't happen. We can work on this together!
Keep up your good work ethic Cordez!